Sex and Chess and Rock and Roll (is all my brain and body needs)

There I was this evening, relaxing after a crap day at work (when I say ‘at work’, I mean sitting at home possibly, although not necessarily, still in a dressing gown, scratching my…. head, contemplating dinner). After dinner and a small Single Malt (Dalwhinnie Winters Gold £40 down to £25, bargain!), and in a half melancholy, half irratated mood, I selected from my Sonos, the Classic Road Trip playlist.

That will make an excruciatingly long intro to a chess report I thought.

Then on came a song by Modern English. I Melt With You, I recall (I actually had to check the playlist because I must have been in my 1990s Drinking Bournemouth Dry period when they were around).

Ooh, thought, I wonder what other band names have a chess reference.

[For aficionados of such time consuming pursuits, I very much recommend finding David Quantick on Twitter who initiates similar very funny, in his case, questions. A good example being #ruinabandnamechangingoneletter: Spandau Mallet, Bon Jobi, Depeche Mole, and my personal favourite, Curiosity Filled the Cat – pauses to laugh for five minutes]

Where was I? Oh yes, chessy band names. So I went on to my go-to source for witty repartee: The Poole Chess Club WhatsApp group (its like the England Rugby Team’s WhatsApp Group, but different).

Come on you mugs, I said, give me some chess-related Band Names.

I started proceedings with Minority Attack (how clever did I feel!), and dispensed with Queen, and King obvious items to cleanse the playing field.

The White Knights (Joe) came back. Good start, bit boring, sorry Joe, just warming up I expect. Simply White quoth Eric. Black Eyed Piece said Tarik (you can always rely on Tarik to liven up a party… just you wait), who then doubled down with A-Rook Clapton (I did chuckle, I will admit) and Caro Emerald Kann (tumberweed in my house).

I chucked in Grandmaster Flash. I hadn’t realised the opportunities of, for instance, Cat-alan Stevens, at this juncture.

As an aside, and it might be incorrect but it is a good story, I believe that Nigel Short had a band called The Night Before (I assume not spelt The Nb4 because only people like us would know what the hell it was all about and others (chuggles?) would puzzle over a band called The ‘Nibfour’ and think they were just weird…).

Dexy’s MidKnight Runners, Beverley Knight were countered by Spandau Bishop, which in my view was the worse bishop I have even seen.

The Kingsmen was suggested. For those of us who are ‘getting on’ you might need to be made aware that they are one of those new modern genres of bands which I dont understand, Shed is it, or Garage, I dont know, some mindless rubbish which belongs in a shed in my view.

On a related note I heard that Green Day are writing some new stuff with techie edge which they call Greenhouse, but that is a separate subject.

Back to the WhatsApp chat and JohnW came in late and suggested Chubby Checker (we liked that!) And Garth Rooks (hmmm).

But in comes Tarik and scooped the top prize with a submission which gave me the giggles for quite a while. E.L.O. Ha ha. Bloody funny. Oh well suit yourself.

Where is that bottle of Dalwhinny?


David Fuller
November 8, 2021